Prologue

Jewels

 

    “Gemini, woke up on the wrong side of the sheets,

Like really I should have been born on Halloween

I ain’t no demon seed but I do evil deeds…”

 

    I nodded my head to Kodak Black’s lyrics as I sat in the driver seat of an all-black Jeep one of my young niggas stole a few hours ago. I fucked with the song so much because I feel like I could relate to what he’s saying. I do evil deeds as if they’re nothing. Some people would call me a cold-blooded killer but I’m not cold blooded. Shit, I got feelings like everyone else. I’m just good at masking that shit. Well I was good but ever since my sister graduated college and came back to the city it’s like I been wearing my heart on my sleeve. Still, I couldn’t let a motherfucker see me bend or fold. After all, I have a business to run and a whole city to supply with drugs. 

    Sweat trickled down my face as I anxiously twisted one of my locs over and over again. My leg started to shake making me look down at it. A black and silver Glock sat on my lap with a line of coke neatly spread across it. Picking up the gun, I carefully put it up to my nose and snorted the line off of it. I sniffled and whipped my nose to make sure there was no powder left over. Niggas knew not to try me, but I couldn’t let them know I was breaking the number one rule of the game, ‘never get high off ya own supply’. Still, with all the shit I’ve been through drugs seem like the only way to cope. 

    As the coke took over and my high set in, the anxiousness I once felt converted to anger. I had sent my best hittas, Rico and Jon in this crib to kill a nigga that called himself stealing from me and they were taking too long to come out. My eyes traveled around the dark street, checking to see if anybody was out. When I confirmed no one was, I pulled on the black ski-mask folded on my head to cover my face. Then I hopped out the car and jogged towards the front door of the house. I knocked three times so that my niggas would know it was me and Rico cautiously opened the door. When he noticed it was me, he opened it all the way to let me in.

    “What the fuck taking ya’ll niggas so long? I thought I said in and out.” I whispered aggressively.

    “Yeah you did,” he lifted the lit blunt that I just realized he had to his lips and inhaled the smoke. “But we got a lil’ situation.” He turned his head to look into the living room and my eyes followed his before my face scrunched up.

    “So ya’ll ain’t think to come out or call or nothing? Ya’ll niggas just in here smoking blunts and shit.” I complained as I made my way into the living room.

    When I got there, I saw Jon standing in front of the TV with a peculiar look on his face and his gun drawn. I looked towards where he had it pointed. My eyes bulged at the sight of a woman on her knees with her back facing us and her hands tied behind it. There were two dead bodies on the floor next to her. I nodded my head when I realized one of them was the nigga I sent them in to kill. I didn’t know the other man, but I didn’t really give a fuck who he was. Sometimes it costs to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    “So what the fuck is the problem? I said no witnesses.” I looked between both of them unmoved.

    “Please!” The woman spoke up causing my attention to divert to her. “I’m with child. Please don’t hurt me.”

    “She says she’s pregnant.” Jon mumbled to me as if I didn’t just hear the bitch say that.

    “I don’t give a fuck.” I shrugged. “When have I ever gave a fuck? And when did ya’ll two niggas turn into saints? That baby was probably the reason that nigga start stealing from me.” I pointed my gun towards her and shoot three times without warning. 

    I walked out the house with my niggas right behind me. Usually I wouldn’t feel any remorse.  But if I said the guilt wasn’t eating at me this time, I’d be lying. I did my best to shake that shit though. Ever since I lost my main mans and my bitch at the hands of my lil’ sister I been feeling like God, or the universe has it out for me. Finding out they were dead because Taylour caught them stealing from me set off a number of different emotions that I just didn’t know how to handle. Now I feel like I can’t trust no one, including her. That had to be a higher power at work because now I don’t have anybody in my corner and it sure as hell feels like karma for all the bad shit I did in my life.

    When I pulled away from the curb I could hear these niggas talking but my mind wasn’t registering what they were saying. Probably because it was somewhere else. I couldn’t believe I lashed out on my sister to the point that I shot her. For as long as I could remember it was just me and her. I was hurt but I knew I hurt her even more and that had me fucked up. So much so, that I wasn’t even mad at Kato for shooting my ass. I was glad she had fell for someone that would go as hard for her as me. By the time we made it to the spot where we wanted to ditch the car and split up I had my mind made up. The moment I could, I would make shit right with my sister.

 

Chapter 1

Leena

 

3 Months Later…

​

    “So how did that make you feel?”

    “What? Seeing them kill my brothers?”

    “Your little brother in particular. I know we’ve only had two sessions, but we talked a lot about your twin. This is your first time mentioning your little brother and you emphasized that he’d never done anything wrong in his life. How did it make you feel to see him lose his life when you don’t feel he has done anything wrong?”

    “I mean not that me and my twin brother did—”

    “I’m not a detective, Rori. I’m here for you. To help you heal from this horrific incident that happened only three months ago. I know the wounds are still fresh both mentally and physically. You were in a coma for two months. Waking up and remembering your reality just makes it hurt all over which can be damaging. That’s why your doctor recommended you come to see me and I’m glad you did.” 

    I gathered my papers as I looked at the broken girl sitting across from me. Seeing her story on the news a couple of months ago shocked me but hearing her replay the painful events made me empathize and I couldn’t imagine where I’d be if I had to endure what she did.

    “I know.” She replied barely audible, nodding her head as tears flowed freely down her face.

    “Our time is up for today, but I feel like we’re making progress based on this and the first session. I want to pick up here on Thursday, okay?” I spoke softly as I passed her a box of tissues. 

    She accepted them and took some time to get herself together. When she stood up, I did the same. Holding my paperwork against my chest I started towards the door with her right behind me. I turned and pulled her in for a hug, something I knew she needed after having her closest relatives blown away right in front of her.

    “Thank you, Dr. Moore.” She mumbled into my jacket, holding the hug just a second too long for my comfort. I’d never admit that to her though. 

    “Leena.” I smiled as she pulled away. “Call me Leena. Dr. Moore is my dad.” I chuckled trying to lighten the mood and was glad when she joined in.

    “Okay, Leena. I’ll see you Thursday.” She pulled the door open and stepped out without another word. 

    When the door closed behind her I let out a sigh of relief. I loved everything about being a therapist but taking on everyone’s pain all day could be so draining. Typically, I schedule the clients who need the most emotional support at the beginning of the day. But with Rori scheduling so unexpectedly she ended up being my last appointment of the day. As I walked behind my desk, I made a mental note to tell my assistant to make sure all of her future sessions are in the morning.

    I threw the paperwork on my desk as I plopped down in my swivel chair. Kicking my heels off, I opened the drawer to my left and found Rori’s file. Propping my elbow on the desk, I let my head fall into my hand before running my fingers through my thick curls. When I opened her file my eyebrows furrowed because I immediately noticed things were moved around and something was missing. I was always particular about how I kept my files, so it wasn’t hard for me to notice when someone had been in it. I picked up my office phone and dialed my assistant. 

    “Hey Leen.” She answered in a chipper tone. 

    “Hey Grace. It sounds like you’re in a good mood.” I smiled.

    “Oh I am.” She sang.

    “Let me guess, you got plans tonight.”

    “I sure do. Ricardo and I are going out for dinner.”

    “Oh okay! Things seem to be getting serious between you two.”

    Did I mention that my assistant was also one of my best friends? We’ve been tight since middle school when my parents divorced, and I moved into the city with my mom. Grace and her parents lived right next door to us plus she ended up being in most of my classes at school. We clicked immediately and quickly began to hang every day. Life dealt us two completely different hands with me going off to Penn State to study psychology for six years and her staying here with her high school sweetheart, Jordan, to start a family. Unfortunately it didn’t work out how they planned and once my goddaughter Jace turned four they split up. So lately Grace has been on this dating rampage to try and fill that void. I was worried about her, but she insisted she was okay, and I can’t force her to talk, I just have to wait until she’s ready.

    “They are. You should come out. I can introduce you to one of his friends.” She mumbled.

    I chuckled, “no, I’m good.”

    “Bitch, we are going to be thirty-two soon. You need to stop being scared to put yourself out there.”

    “I am not scared, I just—”

    “I know, I know. Call me Mary J. cause I done heard it all before.” I just knew she was on the other side of the wall rolling her eyes and the thought made me chuckle.

    “Whatever. Anyway, I was calling to ask if you were in this Gordan file.”

    “Gordon,” she mumbled. “Rori Gordan?”

    “Yeah, my papers are all mixed up and the initial police report is missing.”

    “Now you know I know not to mix your papers up.”

    “And nobody else was in here without me, right?”

    “No, not that I can think of.”

    “Okay,” I nodded. “Well, have fun on your date. I will see you tomorrow.”

    “Bright eyed and bushy tailed.” She chirped before hanging up without letting me get another word in. 

    I added the notes I had just taken to Rori’s file and closed it before throwing it back into the drawer. It was a little after six o’clock and I wanted nothing more than a nice meal, a bath, and my bed. Anything that had to do with work would just have to wait until tomorrow.

****

    I stepped into my house and immediately kicked my shoes off before dropping my purse onto the small table in the foyer. Then I strolled into the kitchen and removed the chicken salad I had prepared earlier from the refrigerator along with the ranch I planned on drenching it in. After removing the top from the Tupperware, I drizzled the ranch on the salad, grabbed a fork from my island drawer, and began to dig in.

    I was half-way through the salad when my phone started to vibrate on the island. Seeing my best friend Norianna’s name come across the screen brought a smile to my face. She made it her business to call me every night when I got in from work. After wiping my mouth with a paper towel, I grabbed my phone from the island and swiped across to answer the call.

    “Hey Nori.”

    “Hey Sis, how was your day?”

    “It was good—long, but good.”

    “That’s good. I’m so proud of you. Your so brave! You left David’s practice four years ago and business has been booming.”

    “Absolutely, that’s what happens when your good at what you do.” I boosted.

    “Right, right.” She agreed.

    “So how was your day?”

    “Girl you know with me it’s the same shit different day. Work then school then come home and sit here lonely.”

    “Aw girl you’re not lonely,” I rolled my eyes. “And never will be as long as I have breath in my body.”

    “Yeah I know I’ll always have my girls. But ya’ll hoes can’t make me come or keep my warm at night.” She sucked her teeth.

    “I mean,” my voice trailed off as I took a bite of salad and finished chewing it before continuing. “I can if you want me to.” I shrugged.

    “Bitch—” we both broke out laughing before she finished. “If you swore off niggas and converted to lesbianism after what happened to you, I totally understand. But I need some big strong manly arms to hold me while I sleep and that I can hold while—”

    “Okay, I get it,” I nodded, cutting her off. “But lesbianism? Bitch really?”

    “Well I’m just saying, I haven’t seen you with anyone since Lance and that was in college. We’ve been out for almost seven years now.”

    “I know but I’m not a lesbian. I’m just waiting on someone that understands,” I sighed not really wanting to continue. I have to have this conversation so many times in one week it’s becoming annoying. Between Nori, my mom and Grace, I never hear the end of it. You would think as women, they’d be able to empathize with me but all they do is push me to move on.

    “Understand what?” Nori’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.

    “Understand that—”

    “You’re broken.” She finished my sentence for me, and I nodded but didn’t respond verbally. “That you fix broken people all day and won’t take the time out to heal yourself.” She added and I sucked my teeth.

    “It’s not even like that.”

    “Well what’s it like.” Nori asked in a sassy tone, and I rolled my eyes as I pulled the phone away from my ear to see who was beeping in.

    “Hey Nori, let me call you back this is my mom.”

    “Okay, tell Ms. Terra I said hi.”

    “Alright.” I mumbled before tapping the icon to end our call and answer my moms.

    “Hey mama.” I sang.

    “Hey Leena Bean.” She chirped and I chuckled.

    “Mom, really?”

    “Yes really, you will always be my Beanie.”

    “Okay.” I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face. 

    I acted as if I didn’t like the name because at a point of time I really didn’t but now I don’t mind it so much. I just amuses me to give her a hard time about it.

    “Where are you at? What are you doing?”

    “I’m at home and I was eating my salad, but it’s gone now.” I pouted as I stare down at the now empty bowl. 

    The salad was so good that I wish I would have made more but it did was it was supposed to do. 

    “Oh okay and how was work?” She asked as I put the phone on speaker and laid it on the island.

    “Work was fine you know sometimes what I do can be draining.”

    “Yeah I can see that. I wish you would get back into doing what you love.” 

    Just as she finished he sentenced I opened my refrigerator and my eyes immediately traveled to the red velvet cupcakes I made for a New Year’s Eve party. 

    “I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do, ma. Daddy said go to school and get a career so I can live a comfortable life.”

    “Okay and you did that. You went to school and graduated with a PHD. Now you’ll always have that to fall back on, but you can’t spend the rest of your life draining yourself. You have to pour into yourself sometimes.”

    “Yeah I understand.” I mumbled before slamming the refrigerator closed. “Where’s Lilly?” 

    “In her room. You need to talk to her Leena.” Her voice turned serious, and I rolled my eyes, glad that she couldn’t see me.

“Talk to her about what?”

    “About how she came to be, why she can’t live with you, and whatever else she wants to know. She getting older Leen, starting to ask questions I don’t have the answers to.”

    “You have the answers.”

    “Well I’m not the person she needs to hear them from. It’s time for you to stop running from her Leen. She’s starting to resent you.” I bent over resting my elbows in the island and my head in my hands.

    “I know, mom.” I sighed. “I’m just not ready.”

    “It’s been fifteen years Leen, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to come back from what you went through. It’s never going to feel like the right time. When the hell is the right time to have to tell your child something like that? But she’s only getting older. You know what you need to do, you really need to go to therapy. I know we did it as a family to try and get through what happened to you, but you really need a solo session to talk about what really happened.”

    “I am a therapist. I don’t need one.”

    “And sometimes I feel like you only became one so you could say that and negate the fact that you do need to talk to someone.”

    “Yeah whatever mom. I’ll call you tomorrow because there is a hot bath that’s calling my name.” I told her secretly hopping she wouldn’t bring up me talking to Lily again.

    “Yeah okay, bye.” She hung up before I could get another word in, and I just shook my head.

    I had my daughter Lilly when I was only 16 years old. My mother agreed to take care of her while I finished high school and went off to college. Once I got established in my career she was supposed to come and live with me, but I’ve been avoiding that for years. The way she came about is a part of my life I never even considered healing. I just wanted to bury it. Seeing her only makes the memories resurface. Being around her makes me relive the days before she was conceived. But hearing that she is starting to resent me hurt my feelings a bit so maybe it is time to have that conversation with her. Maybe it is time to heal that little girl in me once and for all.